I had a great Christmas. The weather was beautiful, and I was off that whole week. My brother flew in early in the week so we were able to spend the couple of days before Christmas hanging out, shopping, catching up. As always my family went overboard and got me everything I asked for (even though I tried to take back my Christmas wish list because everything on it was too expensive). I left my parents’ house Christmas night and headed home, happy and looking forward to hooking up all the cool new stuff I got.
At 5:00 the next morning my phone starting ringing. It took me a couple of seconds to fully realize what I was hearing; by the time I did it had stopped ringing and there was a voice mail. It was from my brother. “Mom woke up this morning in horrible pain and not able to breathe. We’re at the emergency room and Dad and I need you to come down. NOW.” Panic mode sets in…I don’t even remember the trip to the hospital. Within half an hour they realized that there was a major problem and Mom was taken by ambulance to a bigger hospital for heart testing, and within the hour she was heading in for emergency open heart surgery. The layers of her aorta had split from the heart down to the abdomen, and she was bleeding out. The doctor told us most people don’t make it to surgery; even fewer make it through. He said that IF she made it, she would most likely suffer major brain damage, and that we should be prepared.
Prepared? I haven’t experienced many things in my life that were worse than the helpless, hopeless feeling I had sitting around in a hospital waiting to see if a loved one lived through surgery- you can’t be prepared. I tried to think positively, but other things kept sneaking in there: when was I going to be able to help my dad clean out her clothes? What would Christmas be like next year without her there? How was I going to tell our family, and her friends? And would my Dad be OK without her? But finally, the news; the surgery went well and she’s responding to questions; no apparent brain damage. I don’t remember feeling happy. I remember feeling completely, totally drained. True happiness came when I woke up the next morning and headed out to the hospital knowing that my Mom was still with us.
I visited her today (at home!) and she’s doing GREAT- still some pain and a bad day every now and then, but she’ll get there. It’s been 3 weeks since that early morning call the day after Christmas, and I’m just now starting to feel…safe? hopeful? that the worst is behind us. The fears I had as we waited for news that day are too hard to voice, and they've been with me for long enough; I’m hoping that by leaving them on this page I can forget them, and move forward.
I’ll always be thankful that my brother and Dad were there; they kept me centered so we could take care of things. And to my friends who called or wrote to offer their support; who sat with me in the cafeteria; who played video games with me in the waiting room; and who invited me over to just hang out and watch TV so I could have a “normal” night…THANK YOU. And as clichéd as it sounds…please let the people in your life who mean something to you know that you care. I found out how fast that chance slips away.
Alright, enough of that- no more depressing posts for a while, I promise! It’s a New Year; I’ve yet to compile my Second Annual “Best Of” list for 2008, and there are new movies to review AND Oscar picks to be had. Look for those soon, and in the meantime…here’s to a healthy and happy 2009!!
At 5:00 the next morning my phone starting ringing. It took me a couple of seconds to fully realize what I was hearing; by the time I did it had stopped ringing and there was a voice mail. It was from my brother. “Mom woke up this morning in horrible pain and not able to breathe. We’re at the emergency room and Dad and I need you to come down. NOW.” Panic mode sets in…I don’t even remember the trip to the hospital. Within half an hour they realized that there was a major problem and Mom was taken by ambulance to a bigger hospital for heart testing, and within the hour she was heading in for emergency open heart surgery. The layers of her aorta had split from the heart down to the abdomen, and she was bleeding out. The doctor told us most people don’t make it to surgery; even fewer make it through. He said that IF she made it, she would most likely suffer major brain damage, and that we should be prepared.
Prepared? I haven’t experienced many things in my life that were worse than the helpless, hopeless feeling I had sitting around in a hospital waiting to see if a loved one lived through surgery- you can’t be prepared. I tried to think positively, but other things kept sneaking in there: when was I going to be able to help my dad clean out her clothes? What would Christmas be like next year without her there? How was I going to tell our family, and her friends? And would my Dad be OK without her? But finally, the news; the surgery went well and she’s responding to questions; no apparent brain damage. I don’t remember feeling happy. I remember feeling completely, totally drained. True happiness came when I woke up the next morning and headed out to the hospital knowing that my Mom was still with us.
I visited her today (at home!) and she’s doing GREAT- still some pain and a bad day every now and then, but she’ll get there. It’s been 3 weeks since that early morning call the day after Christmas, and I’m just now starting to feel…safe? hopeful? that the worst is behind us. The fears I had as we waited for news that day are too hard to voice, and they've been with me for long enough; I’m hoping that by leaving them on this page I can forget them, and move forward.
I’ll always be thankful that my brother and Dad were there; they kept me centered so we could take care of things. And to my friends who called or wrote to offer their support; who sat with me in the cafeteria; who played video games with me in the waiting room; and who invited me over to just hang out and watch TV so I could have a “normal” night…THANK YOU. And as clichéd as it sounds…please let the people in your life who mean something to you know that you care. I found out how fast that chance slips away.
Alright, enough of that- no more depressing posts for a while, I promise! It’s a New Year; I’ve yet to compile my Second Annual “Best Of” list for 2008, and there are new movies to review AND Oscar picks to be had. Look for those soon, and in the meantime…here’s to a healthy and happy 2009!!
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