I started this blog with the intention of sharing my life, voicing my opinions, writing about the things that affect me day-to-day. And so far I’ve published a welcome post and two movie reviews. Well, maybe it’s time to stretch a little. So for tonight, something a bit more personal.
I haven’t been feeling well for the last week or so; just a virus, but it comes with a complete lack of energy that leaves me drained by the end of the day. Most nights I’ve come home and gone to bed. But tonight I can’t sleep- there are too many memories and thoughts running through my slightly feverish brain. So I’ve bundled up, made some hot tea, and I’ve been sitting here quietly, alone with my thoughts. I get a little introspective when I’m feeling like this, and not always with good results. Tonight, though, has been a good night.
Looking back over the last few months, I can say that I was deeply depressed. Some folks know why, others don’t, and I won’t go into it here, but known or not, everyone could see it. Money matters, health issues, even things from my childhood had haunted me to the point where I couldn’t sleep anymore, couldn’t focus. The “spring in my step” was gone, and I missed it. I couldn’t see the end. And then, as hard as it was for me, I took a good hard look at my life, and it was then that I finally realized that I was surrounded by the one resource that I had never sought out; those people in my life that are beside me every day. So I gathered up a little courage, took a deep breath…
And I started talking. I talked to family. I talked to friends. And they listened. And they talked back. When I doubted myself, they supported me. When I confessed a deep, dark secret, they accepted without question. And when I needed laughter, and fun, and happiness in my life, they were there in spades.
I have the most phenomenal family on the planet. Why I was lucky enough to be blessed with their presence in my life I’ll never know. My Mom and Dad love unconditionally, and unfailingly. They are the reason I live, and my reason for living. I would do anything for them.
As kids, my younger brother and I were like all brothers I guess. We fought. A LOT. We were totally different in style, and spent most of our childhood apart, preferring our own set of friends to each other. As adults, I can honestly say that not only do I love the guy…I like him too. We can talk about anything and know that nothing changes between us. I hope he knows how proud I am of him.
And then there are my friends. Things in my past have shaped the way I view friendship, and I don’t make friends easily. And sometimes I don’t make it easy to BE my friend. Yet this group hangs on. They are the people who take me out for my birthday, go with me to the movies, buy me dinner when I’m broke, and just listen to me rant and rave over coffee. They are people that I can bare my soul to and know that they won’t judge. I don’t know if they realize how much I appreciate them in my life. Well, maybe they do now.
Amazing how a little soul-searching can clear the mind and calm the spirit. But a little goes a long way- here’s hoping I haven’t scared anyone off. No more heavy blogs, at least for a while. Hey, maybe next I’ll try…a movie review!
But for tonight…I think I can sleep now.
I haven’t been feeling well for the last week or so; just a virus, but it comes with a complete lack of energy that leaves me drained by the end of the day. Most nights I’ve come home and gone to bed. But tonight I can’t sleep- there are too many memories and thoughts running through my slightly feverish brain. So I’ve bundled up, made some hot tea, and I’ve been sitting here quietly, alone with my thoughts. I get a little introspective when I’m feeling like this, and not always with good results. Tonight, though, has been a good night.
Looking back over the last few months, I can say that I was deeply depressed. Some folks know why, others don’t, and I won’t go into it here, but known or not, everyone could see it. Money matters, health issues, even things from my childhood had haunted me to the point where I couldn’t sleep anymore, couldn’t focus. The “spring in my step” was gone, and I missed it. I couldn’t see the end. And then, as hard as it was for me, I took a good hard look at my life, and it was then that I finally realized that I was surrounded by the one resource that I had never sought out; those people in my life that are beside me every day. So I gathered up a little courage, took a deep breath…
And I started talking. I talked to family. I talked to friends. And they listened. And they talked back. When I doubted myself, they supported me. When I confessed a deep, dark secret, they accepted without question. And when I needed laughter, and fun, and happiness in my life, they were there in spades.
I have the most phenomenal family on the planet. Why I was lucky enough to be blessed with their presence in my life I’ll never know. My Mom and Dad love unconditionally, and unfailingly. They are the reason I live, and my reason for living. I would do anything for them.
As kids, my younger brother and I were like all brothers I guess. We fought. A LOT. We were totally different in style, and spent most of our childhood apart, preferring our own set of friends to each other. As adults, I can honestly say that not only do I love the guy…I like him too. We can talk about anything and know that nothing changes between us. I hope he knows how proud I am of him.
And then there are my friends. Things in my past have shaped the way I view friendship, and I don’t make friends easily. And sometimes I don’t make it easy to BE my friend. Yet this group hangs on. They are the people who take me out for my birthday, go with me to the movies, buy me dinner when I’m broke, and just listen to me rant and rave over coffee. They are people that I can bare my soul to and know that they won’t judge. I don’t know if they realize how much I appreciate them in my life. Well, maybe they do now.
Amazing how a little soul-searching can clear the mind and calm the spirit. But a little goes a long way- here’s hoping I haven’t scared anyone off. No more heavy blogs, at least for a while. Hey, maybe next I’ll try…a movie review!
But for tonight…I think I can sleep now.
1 comment:
Cut down on the coffee, porn and spider bites and you'll be fine.
Call me in the morning.
Just because.
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